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Ohhhhmmmmmgeeeeee, I'm turning thirteeeeee!

I don't know why I find myself stuck on this surprise...or why it's even a surprise. I have been telling myself it's no big deal....I usually start calling myself my next age about 3 months before my birthday so I can get used to saying it. But every time I say "Yeah, I'm 30"....even though presently I am still 29, it feels STRANGE, like twilight zone strange. The craziest part of it is that when I state my age, its usually as a justification. Confused? For example:

I meet someone new. They ask a question that goes something like this; "What are you 24...26?"
"No man, I'm thirty" - and I say it as if its some big surprise (Like, whoa...can you believe it?!). Something unthinkable, something that, well.....means something. So that's what I am trying to discover currently. What does turning 30 ultimately mean to me?

Then, yesterday happened and I realized I wasn't alone in this quest. A day when as I was flipping through a magazine on my lunch break I saw the article. An article written for me.

An article about turning 30 in a National Women's Magazine, I then started to realize this issue is much more than just about me and its being talked about in a larger picture. You can even google "I'm turning 30" and a slew of posts, blogs, articles, etc will come up. So how am I supposed to assure myself this isn't a big deal when the rest of the American women are freaking out too it seems? But even more perplexing is what the big myth behind being a WOMAN turning 30 is supposed to be? (sorry men, I am excluding you in this post, but please don't take it personally).

So, on my drive home today I started to really think about it.

Does turning 30 mean I have to take my nose ring out?
Does turning 30 mean I can't shop at Forever 21 anymore (uhhhh, Forever 21, need I ask?)?
Does it mean that the music I love is now officially classics or oldies? I'm out of the musical loop? Or even worse, is my taste in music going to show my age?
Does it mean my back is going to start hurting or that I'll no longer be able to get excited about my new hobby of dirt biking for fear of not being physically able?
Does it mean that me and my metabolism are now at war? Having to plan strategically what I can and can not eat?
Does being 30 and single mean that I am approaching "spinster" years? Does it in some way say I've failed at the lovegame (lets play a love game, play a love game, love game baby)?
Does it mean that I need to start hanging out with people my own age!? (gasp)
Does it mean that I start phasing into watching the Bachelorette instead of Jersey Shore?
Will I lose my creative process or passion? Or be disillusioned with humanity once and for all? Because now I know better?
Does it mean that I start a savings account and actually save? Or invest in the stock market?
Does it mean I can never be a millionaire at age 55 because I don't have a 401k?
Should I make a will? Do I need to find a lawyer just because?
Does this mean I'm officially.........I can't even say it....oh lord....oh no.....does it?
Does it mean I am now......old?

So I asked my friends and family, who have already gone through this what their experiences were:

"I was really freaked out to turn 30. But I gotta tell you I am really enjoying my 30's. I feel like I am finally comfortable with myself and don't care what other people think. I do what makes me happy. I have also given up on dealing with negativity. If a friend wants to be mean or give guilt trips for stuff then you know what I don't need them in my life. I guess overall I have a lot more confidence and self-esteem than I did in my 20's.." - Super Sister in Law

"I was totally excited to turn 30. I was beyond ready to leave my 20's in the dust. A divorce, lost friendships, feeling lost with no direction, and some family drama; that was my 20's. It was refreshing to feel like turning 30 was hopeful for a better decade. I don't feel old, quite the opposite. I feel young and like I'm thriving, finally determined and aware of what I want out of life and out of people. I came to terms with being alone, with not needing a man in my life. What a freedom that is! I'm sure I'm more attractive to men because of it. I finally feel whole, all by myself. I love 30, I smile when I think about being 30. :).." - Tough as Nails Woman Friend

So after reading all of that, how am I not supposed to be excited for a little calmer waters? A little more confidence about my career, my love life and my friendships, motherhood? A little more life experience and a lot more wise can only equal greater successes, right? Well, you'll be hearing about them soon.

So, here's to my last week as a Twenty-Something......Thank you everyone who has been supportive of me writing on this site. It has been a richly rewarding experience to know that people are actually coming here to read about my crazy life stories.

For the future: I will be starting a new blog in the next couple months. Still brewing ideas about the things I want to write about. All I know is I never want to stop!

Much love to all my readers!~Meeschy The Beginning of Milk and Honey Twenty-Something

Teach me, Watch me, Learn from me: A Dating and Relationship confession of mistakes I made in my 20's

It would have been nice to have a pocket-sized guide of what to expect when you're dating in your twenties (that I could carry in my purse and secretly refer to in certain love dilemmas) but even if there had been one spelling out exact directions for success in love, I probably wouldn't have followed it. I guess I have always been the type of girl to learn from trial and error, experience and I have had my fair share of trying and failing in the dating world of my 20's. Here are the mistakes I made that I hope you can avoid. Feel free to leave your own comments!




1. Don't keep yourself trapped in a relationship that isn't working because you're afraid of what life is like alone.

I haven't just done this once, I am a repeat offender of this crime. Time and time again, I tied myself to a love tree that should have been cut down due to decay and disease, even while the chain saw whizzed in my face; I clung on for dear life. I willingly gave enormous amounts of energy to boyfriends who sucked it up like imported beers and belched a small affectioned amount back. After some amount of time doing this with multiple men, I became desensitized and saw this as normal, even necessary - I told myself I was a fighter and I was committed to this person, to this relationship. I was a fucking heroine in love. What I didn't realize was all I was truly committed to was avoiding the fear of life alone. It has taken considerable work on myself to realize what is fair in relationships, what is my responsibility and what is theirs. I could have saved myself a lot of energy that could have gone towards accomplishing life goals; instead I used up passion, heart space, years and months of my 20's on these dead end relationships.

2. (To know when) To stay or to go; that is the question.

I think in order to know this important lesson, you have to know what you deserve in love and what you are willing to put up with or compromise over. I had a fiance once who I truly thought I was going to spend the rest of my days with. So, when he spoke to me condescendingly, when he threw plates and glass pictures on the floor around me in a rage, when he hated my friends and family, when he didn't bother to let our relationship be a reason to stop him from starting another one simultaneously, yet I stayed. I put up with it, because it was the BIG love. I loved this man. I loved this man, like real love. Well, that's obvious to me now, because I didn't love myself enough to put an end to the bullshit. I should have left, but instead quieted the voice screaming at me to run and instead of me ending it on my terms, with my dignity intact...I was left for another woman. Whooowheee, talk about heart-break and betrayal. That one took me a while to learn, but I finally did.

3. Don't seethe, don't be vengeful, don't be regretful and don't HATE after the end of a relationship. Accept it for what it was and learn the valuable lesson of forgiveness.

I thought this one might be appropriate to follow #2 because after what happened to my engagement, I had a whole lot of all of the above to deal with. I had never truly hated anyone until then. I didn't know if I was doing it right. I felt bad all the time, even though I also felt right and justified for hating him. I felt insecure and pissed off. I felt desperate to get all my actions and affections and loving words and years I spent loving this person back. I was enraged that this love that had seemed so promising, turned out to be so fraudulent. I felt like I wasted everything I had on this love....and I wanted to make him pay. After a few months, I realized that I would be just as bad as him if I continued to let myself feel like this for even one more day. I worked on trying to stop hating him, it took me a full year to move to a space of forgiveness and another year to move to a space of gratefulness for his presence in my life....but I did. And it set me free to keep my heart as my own and that was a huge relief.

4. Don't try and save people from themselves, it always ends in disaster, not for them...for you.

In my early 20's, very soon after I moved to Denver for the first time, I dated a man that had some serious drug and alcohol abuse issues. I spent 8 months trying to ignore his constant need to go to the clubs be the center of attention, to pop Ecstasy, or make me help him inject dangerous steroids into his body. I knew all of his problems and demons, but I just let it all happen, I knew everything. In this particular relationship I didn't even know how to save him, so I tried to make myself perfect, to gain his approval...to maybe sway him to get better because I had it all together, for us. The more destruction he inflicted upon himself, the more I in turn unknowingly inflicted upon myself as well. Just his presence damaged my self-worth. Just trying to take care of him, kept me from figuring out who I was. His insecurities soon became mine, his problems soon became mine, and his self-destruction soon morphed into mine. It ended in disaster.....for me, he went about his ways and I still don't know what ever became of him. Bottom line: I lost my self-worth trying to get him to find his, not really worth the effort.

5. Don’t waste your time trying to get losers to like you.
(This one is from frisky.com - I read it and couldn't have said it better myself)
I feel like I still have to remind myself of this now. I wish I could take back all the hours, days, months and years of my life I spent looking for a quick ego fix from a guy who was just not worth it. I spent so much time in my twenties searching for validation from dudes that were pretty subpar, without ever taking the time to figure out if I even liked them. Don’t forget this really important step in the dating and mating business—it’s not just about getting the approval and adoration of a guy, any guy, but actively deciding whether or not this guy is worthy of you, too.

6. Closure doesn't always come easy and it certainly doesn't always come from them.

This was a recent lesson I learned. The last serious relationship I had ended in a nanosecond it seemed and it felt like it all happened so fast I didn't even think it happened at all. I kept seeking out some sort of communication from him, like a detective seeking out evidence that this love was really over. He was having none of it, he never returned my phone calls, texts, emails, etc. He truly avoided my every attempt to discuss what had actually transpired between us. And the stupidest part was I continued to try and get closure from him for nine months. I should have realized that someone that was that cruel and immature to avoid having an adult conversation about our relationship probably couldn't even have a conversation that would change anything about our past. What I did was examine the reasons I needed closure. I really looked at that closely. It seems as though I wanted to tell him how much he hurt me one moment and then the next wanted to thank him for being in my life. Yikes. I had to realize that even if I had him in front of me, nothing he would say would offer comfort and nothing he would have said would have even been nice. Why would I want to put myself in that line of fire? After a brief unexpected meeting, 9 months after our parting...I wrote him a letter, explaining everything I wanted to say and that was that. I gave closure to myself and I have felt free to get on with my life and realize who he really was on my own. To have that kind of power in your own grasp is life changing.


7. Myth: Dating is as fun as dying in your late 20's.

I started a whirl-wind of dating 4 months ago (yes, at 29) and (surprise, surprise) I have met a lot of great guys. Before I felt like dating sucked some serious monkey balls. Now I realize that I had been so used to being in relationships, that dating was like being on a foreign planet..one without basic necessities for living. So it wouldn't have come as a complete surprise that I had a feeling of discomfort from it. When I made the decision to throw myself into, give it a real effort I found that I was pretty damn good at dating. I learned to have fun, no matter who I was with. I learned that the qualities I appreciate about myself are equally appreciated by others. I learned how to be comfortable with my date within 15 minutes. I learned how to handle rejection a little easier and I learned to take love less seriously...that was the best part. My self-esteem burst and my experience grew. But listen closely; I've made a incredible discovery....men like self-confident, fun-loving, secure and unique women :)


8. Stop the cycle: making up and breaking up

I think this is the ultimate sign of an immature relationship. Never again, will I put myself through the anguish of the making up and breaking up cycle. A relationship should be mature enough to withstand the tough spots. It should not have to be constantly threatened with the possibility of an ending or break. The anxiety that is caused by this kind of back and forth game is excruciating. In the future I will use this method as a test. If we want to break up....we're breaking up...no going back. I won't put myself through that kind of game and I certainly won't stick around for the making up part any longer either.


9. Listen to her...she is after all, you.

Have you ever ignored that voice inside you? Let me give you a hint... she sounds a lot like you, says intelligent things, she seems so wise, she even knows what you're thinking before you say it...she is you. Why have you been quiet for so long? Not listening to my gut instinct has really gotten me into some trouble in love. When she screams run. I have stayed very still. When she told me to pay attention to what he says, I instantly forgot. When she told me that real love is for myself, I was in disbelief. When she whispers ever so gently that he's not the one, I started looking for rings. Why do we do this? I hope in my 30's my listening skills have improved.


10. Don't give up on love, mostly the one that you have for yourself.

There is nothing more to say about #10 than that. If you are love, then you will be loved.

~Meesch